Wellness retreats for men: what they offer, and what to ask as a gay man
A men's wellness retreat is a few days away focused on physical and mental wellbeing, usually combining activities such as exercise, yoga, breathwork, good food, sauna or spa time and, sometimes, group discussions. Some are for gay and bi men, some welcome men of all orientations, and some are designed for particular communities, including church groups, so check who it's for before you book.
Search for a men's retreat and you'll find everything from intensive fitness camps to spiritual weekends built around prayer and reflection. "Wellness" covers a lot of ground. This guide sorts out the main kinds, explains what happens in a men's circle, and suggests what to ask if you're a gay man looking at a retreat that isn't run for gay men.
What a wellness retreat is
A wellness retreat is a holiday with a programme. Instead of planning your own days, you follow a timetable of activities meant to help you feel better: exercise, rest, good food and some kind of practice for the mind, such as yoga, meditation or breathwork. It isn't a medical stay, and the good ones don't pretend to be.
The main kinds for men
Fitness weeks are built around training with a coach, with gym sessions, circuits, hiking or cycling, and plenty of food to match. Yoga and spa weeks are gentler, with a daily class, massage, sauna and time by a pool, and they're usually the easiest first retreat. If you've never done yoga, Gay yoga retreats when you've never done yoga covers what to expect.
Then there's what's often called men's work: breathwork, talking circles, time outdoors and sometimes a cold plunge or a fire ceremony. Spirit Camp's Wild Heart retreat in northern California is one example, with group breathwork sessions, an opening and a closing men's circle, a cold plunge in a nearby river and a fire ceremony. Detox weeks with juices and spa treatments are another kind, and Detox retreats for gay men: what they are and who they suit explains those.
What happens in a men's circle
A men's circle is a group of men sitting together and taking turns to speak about how they're actually doing. While one man talks, the others listen without interrupting or trying to fix anything. Groups often agree at the start to keep what's said confidential, but the organisers can't promise that everyone will, so share at the level you're comfortable with. Nobody has to share anything, and passing is always allowed.
For some men, it's the part of the retreat they feel most nervous about beforehand, but it can also become one of the most meaningful experiences of the retreat. If you're gay and the group is mixed, it's also where you'll find out quickly how comfortable you feel talking about your life.
What a wellness retreat can't do
A wellness retreat can offer rest, routine and good company, but it shouldn't be treated as a substitute for professional medical or mental health care. If you're struggling, talk to your doctor. In England, you can also call 111 and choose the mental health option for urgent help. Switchboard is the UK's LGBTQIA+ support line, on 0800 0119 100. In the US, you can call or text 988 at any time for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, which is free and confidential. If you're elsewhere, contact your local mental health support service.
What to ask as a gay man
Many men's retreats aren't run specifically for gay men, and that doesn't mean you won't enjoy one. Some say clearly that they're open to men of all orientations. Spirit Camp, for example, describes its Wild Heart retreat as a space for "male-identified folks of all orientations", and its page names straight, gay, bi, queer, trans and curious men. Still, it's worth asking a few questions before you pay.
Ask who usually comes, and whether there are often other gay or bi men in the group. Ask whether the facilitators have run groups with gay men before, and how they'd handle a homophobic remark in a circle. If rooms are shared, ask how they're allocated. And if you have a partner, think about whether you'd be comfortable talking about him in front of the group, because in a circle you probably will.
Ask whether the organisers have clear expectations around respect, confidentiality and personal boundaries. You should be able to talk about your life openly without feeling that you have to explain or defend your sexuality. How to choose an LGBTQ+ retreat has more questions worth sending.
Gay-only or open to everyone?
A retreat run for gay and bi men takes away the explaining. Nobody assumes you have a wife, and the conversations start from a shared place. A retreat open to all men gives you far more choice of dates and places, and some gay men like the mix. Neither is the right answer for everyone. If you're unsure, Gay men's retreats: what to expect on your first one describes the gay-only kind in more detail.
When you're ready to look, browse retreats on Among Our People. Each listing says who the retreat is for, and you can contact the organiser directly before deciding whether it's the right fit. ✦
General information, not medical or mental health advice. If you're worried about your health, talk to your doctor.