How to choose an LGBTQ+ retreat

Start with what you want from the week

Before you compare listings, decide what the week is for. If you want rest, a yoga or wellness retreat is usually the gentlest start, and Gay yoga retreats when you've never done yoga explains what to expect if you've never been to a class. If you want to move, look at active weeks with hiking, cycling or a coach. If you want a break from drinking, there are sober and alcohol-free retreats for gay men. And if you want to work on how you feel about your body and intimacy, a tantra retreat may be what you're after. Knowing this first stops you comparing a detox week with a hiking trip on price alone.

The six checks below are the ones on our home page, in more detail.

1. Check who it's for

"LGBTQ+ retreat" can mean quite different things. Some are for gay and bi men only. Others are mixed and open to everyone under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, including trans and non-binary people. Some mainstream retreat centres welcome LGBTQ+ guests on their ordinary weeks, which is fine, but it's a different experience from a week where the whole group is queer.

Some retreats also have a focus, like men over 50 or men who've recently come out. If the listing doesn't say which kind it is, or who it's for, ask. You're not being fussy. You're finding out who you'll be having breakfast with for a week.

2. Read what the price includes

Two retreats at the same price can be very different value. Look for what's covered: your room, all or some of the meals, the sessions, any outings and the airport transfer. Flights are almost never included. Ask whether rooms are shared and what a room of your own costs, and what you'll pay on top once you're there, such as drinks, massages, local tourist taxes and tips.

How much does a retreat cost? goes through deposits, single supplements and the extras people forget.

3. Ask about the group

Ask how many people usually come and how many come on their own. A group of ten feels very different from a group of forty. In a small group you'll know everyone by the second day, which is lovely if that's what you want and harder if you were hoping to disappear for an afternoon. A bigger group gives you more choice of company. Neither is better, but you should know which one you're booking.

While you're at it, ask who leads the sessions and what training they have. That matters most for yoga, bodywork and anything involving touch. And if you can, read reviews from past guests on a site the organiser doesn't control, such as Google Maps, rather than only the quotes on their own website.

4. Look at the cancellation terms

Read them before you pay a deposit, not after. Find out what you get back if you cancel two months before, two weeks before and in the last few days, and whether the deposit itself is refundable. Then check the other side: what happens if the organiser cancels? A full refund is not the same as "we'll move you to another date".

How you pay matters too. If you live in the UK and pay by credit card, Section 75 of the Consumer Credit Act can make your card provider jointly responsible with the organiser if something goes wrong, for anything costing more than £100 and up to £30,000. According to Which?, it's the full price that counts, not the amount on the card, so a deposit paid by credit card can cover the whole retreat. Which? also says paying the organiser directly with your card is the safest way to keep that cover, because paying through a go-between such as PayPal can make a claim harder. Section 75 doesn't apply to debit cards, but you may be able to ask your bank for a chargeback instead. Outside the UK, ask your card provider what cover you have. Travel insurance with cancellation cover is worth having, as long as you check it covers a pre-paid retreat.

5. Check the country

Laws and attitudes towards gay men vary a lot from one country to another, and what's normal at the retreat may not be normal in the town around it. Before you book, read the UK government's foreign travel advice for that country (each country page has a "Laws and cultural differences" section with a note for LGBT+ travellers), or the US State Department's page for gay and lesbian travellers.

It's also fair to ask the organiser how things work outside the retreat: on the airport transfer, in local restaurants and if two men want to share a room at a hotel on the way.

6. Ask how the space is run

Good organisers explain their rules on consent, privacy and phones before you arrive. Ask whether there's a code of conduct, whether you can opt out of photos, what the policy is on alcohol, and who you can talk to if someone makes you uncomfortable. This matters most on retreats involving touch or intimacy, and our guide Tantra retreats for men: what actually happens goes into it properly. If an organiser can't answer these questions clearly, they may not have thought much about consent and privacy, and that's worth knowing before you arrive.

The warning signs

One of these on its own doesn't prove anything, but two or three together are a good reason to walk away.

You're pushed to pay quickly, with a deadline that keeps moving or "only one place left" every time you ask. You're asked to pay by bank transfer to a personal account, in cryptocurrency or with gift cards. There are no cancellation terms in writing. Nobody will say who leads the sessions or what training they have. The listing promises to heal, cure or transform you. Questions about consent and photos get a vague answer or none at all. And you can't find a real name, a real address or any trace of past retreats.