Gay men's retreats: what to expect on your first one
A first gay men's retreat is usually a small group, a loose timetable built around one thing like yoga or walking, shared meals and more free time than you might expect. Every session is optional, and plenty of men arrive on their own.
Most of the nerves before a first retreat come from not knowing what the days will look like. Will you have to share a room with a stranger? Talk about your feelings in a circle? Do yoga next to people who've done it for years? It depends on the retreat, but most follow a similar shape, and you can find out nearly everything before you pay.
A quick note on the name: some retreats are for gay and bi men only, and others are mixed and open to everyone. Everything below applies to both, and each listing says which kind it is.
What is a gay men's retreat?
A gay men's retreat is a few days away, usually three to seven, with a small group of gay and bi men, built around something like yoga, walking, fitness or rest. Many include your room, meals and the sessions, with an organiser who runs the whole thing. If you search for "men's retreat", most of what comes up is church weekends, and a gay men's retreat is a different thing. Some have a spiritual side, such as meditation or a men's circle, but plenty are simply a week of exercise, good food and company.
Who you'll be sharing it with
Whether the retreat is men-only or mixed, the group itself is usually varied. You might find a man in his twenties on his first holiday without friends, a couple in their fifties, and someone in his sixties who's done a dozen of these and knows which chair gets the morning sun.
Plenty of men come alone, and organisers are used to it. If that's you, our guide to Going on a retreat on your own as a gay man goes into rooms, meals and the first evening in more detail.
What a day usually looks like
Timings vary, but a lot of retreats follow something like this. An early session (yoga, meditation, a walk or a workout), then breakfast together. A longer session or an outing in the late morning. Lunch, then a long free stretch in the afternoon, when people read, swim, sleep or wander into town. Dinner is usually shared, and there may be something gentle in the evening, like a talk or a film.
None of it is compulsory. If you skip the 7am class to sleep, nobody takes a register. Before you book, ask the organiser for the day-by-day timetable. A good one will send it straight away, and it tells you more than any photo.
The first evening
Many retreats start with a welcome dinner or a circle where everyone says their name and why they've come. It's the part people dread, and it's usually over in twenty minutes. You decide how much to say. "I needed a week off and I wanted to be around other gay men" is a perfectly good answer.
Some retreats, especially the ones built around personal growth or intimacy, go deeper as the week goes on, with sharing circles or partner exercises. The listing should say so, and if it doesn't, ask. How to choose an LGBTQ+ retreat has the questions worth sending before you pay a deposit.
Rooms, food and the small print
Rooms are the biggest variable. Some retreats give everyone a single room, others share twins or dorms to keep the price down, and many offer a room to yourself for an extra charge (the single supplement). If sharing would keep you awake, pay for the single. How much does a retreat cost? explains what's normally included and what isn't.
Meals are often included, but not always, so check the listing. On yoga and wellness retreats they're often vegetarian. Tell the organiser about allergies or anything you don't eat when you book, not when you arrive. Alcohol varies a lot. Some retreats serve wine at dinner and others are entirely dry; our guide to Sober and alcohol-free retreats for gay men covers the second kind.
Good organisers also explain their rules on phones, photos and privacy before you arrive. If you'd rather not appear in any pictures, ask before you book whether you can opt out of group photos and social media posts. A good organiser will say yes and tell the group, and if the answer is vague, take that into account.
If it isn't working for you
Sometimes a retreat isn't the right fit. The group doesn't click, or the style isn't what you expected. Talk to the organiser early, on day one or two rather than the last night. They can often change something small, like your room or which sessions you join. You're also free to spend more time on your own, or to leave, so check the cancellation terms before you book and you'll know where you stand if you go home early.
If the retreat is abroad, read the UK government's foreign travel advice for LGBT travellers or the US State Department's page for gay and lesbian travellers before you go. Laws and attitudes vary a lot from one country to another, and it's worth knowing what to expect outside the retreat as well as inside it.
A first retreat rarely goes exactly as you pictured it, and that's part of the point. When you're ready to look, browse gay men's and mixed retreats on Among Our People. You'll be talking to the organiser directly, so you can ask every question in this guide before you commit. ✦
General information, not travel or legal advice. Every retreat is different, so check the details with the organiser before you book.